Your Relationships C*A*N Last Forever

For me, one of the saddest things to see is a relationship between two people who previously professed their deep love for one another now entering its final stage of dissolution. The divorce rate in this country is tragically high. When I was young and naive I believed that all you needed for a happily-ever-after life was love. After all, that is what the Beatles told us. But with life comes experience and hopefully wisdom. Having recently celebrated my eighteenth wedding anniversary with my second husband, I’ve learned that it takes more than just love to make a marriage(or any important relationship) last a lifetime.

There are three common denominators that successful long-term couples possess. I refer to them as The C*A*N Elements. They are:

Commitment: Most couple’s make a critical mistake of basing their relationship on feelings. But feelings are fickle and can change at the drop of a hat. Yesterday I wanted to send you back to your mother; today you’re everything I live for. Many years ago I was watching the Oprah Show. Her guest was Dr. Harville Hendricks, considered to be the most successful marriage counselor in the country. He suggested basing your marriage on commitment rather than feelings. Commitment is that force that gets you through the tough times; the determination that fuels the fires of success; that voice inside your head that says, “You mean to much to me. I’m not willing to quit. I’ll try one more time, and then one more after that.” Remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place – what qualities did you find so attractive in him/her? They are still present. Focus your attention on those.
Anyone who’s ever achieved a significant goal in life has relied on their determination to succeed. As Yoda said, “There is no try. There is only do.” In other words, never quit. The rewards are great when you remain faithful to your promises.

Acceptance and Appreciation: We all know that it’s not ok to try to change our partners. However, many will make a valiant attempt only to discover that it leads to tension, conflict, and fighting. The covert message we send is “You’re not good enough the way you are. I can fix you and make you better.” There is no more hurtful message to convey to our spouses than one that diminishes their worth. (Caution: hurt is a root cause of anger so consider yourself forewarned.) Acceptance of that which we cannot change nor have the right to change allows us to be at peace (with our partners and circumstances). However, acceptance is sometimes accompanied with sadness. “My wife nags me but that’s just the way she is. I’m not happy but I can’t change her so I’ll just accept her the way she is.” But sadness does not make for a happy marriage. Appreciation, on the other hand, does. Find every opportunity to appreciate each endearing characteristic of your spouse no matter how inconsequential. And let them know – frequently – even after that fact.
The number one complaint I hear from my clients is “I put my heart and soul into my marriage/family/job and no one appreciates what I do. They take me for granted.” Too often, a partner will find someone outside of the marriage who truly values them. Let that person be you. This one simply practice completely transformed my marriage.

Negotiation: Challenges and conflicts are a normal part of every relationship. They simply represent each person’s unique perspectives, needs, beliefs, desires, etc. Conflict is beneficial for the growth of any relationship and yet for the average couple it causes arguing, fighting, hurt feelings, and a breakdown in communication. By learning good negotiation techniques, individuals can learn to navigate their way through any changing circumstance that presents itself over time. Knowing there are multiple solutions to every situation affords the couple hope for change, thus alleviating despair (the very definition of anger).
Savvy skills enable couples to resolve their differences peacefully and permanently. Customize your style of negotiation to suit your spouse. Make it easy for him/her and always keep their best interest at heart. A few good skills can avoid a lot of heartache.

The Beatles had good intentions when they wrote “All You Need is Love”. And while love is a necessary foundation for marriage it has proven insufficient in making them last forever. By adding three key elements, you, too, C*A*N have a happily-ever-after life with your partner. I’m living proof.

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Arlene Bogna, Director of The Ballad of Snake Oil Sam, Award-Winning Short Film on The Nancy Ferrari Show

Tune into The Nancy Ferrari Show on December 16th, 10:00 am PT/1:00 pm ET airing live on www.W4CY.com and www.K4HD.com as Nancy Ferrari’s featured guest is  Arlene Bogna, an award-winning director with a passion for character-driven storytelling and compelling visuals. Arlene Bogna directed the short film “The Ballad of Snake Oil Sam” – a desert steampunk fantasy about a weary desert traveler searching for redemption – which debuted at the prestigious Cannes Short Film Corner and won ‘Best Experimental Film’ and ‘Best Actor’ at Lady Filmmakers Film Festival and has been featured in Markee 2.0 Magazine, The Hollywood Times, Fanboy Comics, and Influx Magazine. Arlene majored in film and literature at UCLA and spent a year abroad studying cinema and mass media at the Universita di Bologna in Italy. Bogna has a strong visual background in Art Direction, Motion Graphics, and Visual Effects, and her Fine Art Photography has been featured in ArtScene, Metromix, Los Angeles Times, MutualArt, SCWCA, and Experience LA.


Arlene has directed over 35 commercial spots and branded entertainment segments for television and has been a shadow director on “One Tree Hill” and “Life Unexpected.” Arlene grew up filming her cast of stuffed animals and dolls on long hikes in the Sierras.

BTS_TheBalladOfSnakeOilSam_OnSetZaneArlene_web

Family First: Bill and Peter Deutsch- Dec. 17 on The Connected Table LIVE!

December 17th on The Connected Table LIVE! Melanie and David will start a new series entitled “First Families of Wine, Food and Hospitality.” Many businesses, from wineries to restaurants to the vendors who supply them, are often multi-generational. The business may have started small, possibly in a garage or a storefront. Over time it grew beyond with family members stepping in work to the lines, build the enterprise and eventually taking over the reins.

Peter and Bill Deutsch Deutsch Family Wine & Spirits

Peter and Bill Deutsch
Deutsch Family Wine & Spirits

A perfect example is the father-son team Bill and Peter Deutsch of Deutsch Family Wine & Spirits, one of the country’s leading wine and spirits importer -distributors. Bill founded Deutsch Family Wine & Spirits in 1981 with the vision of running a family-owned company that would import and market fine wines from family-owned producers around the world. Thirty-three years later the dream is successful reality and thriving business. The White Plains-headquartered company has grown to include a prestigious roster of internationally renowned, award-winning wine and spirit brands serviced by over 200 employees who have helped grow DFWS into the number one imported wine company in the U.S. and the sixth largest wine company overall.

With family-owned labels that include [yellowtail], Les Vins Georges Duboeuf, Barone Fini, Josh Cellars, and The Calling, Deutsch Family Wine & Spirits is one of the true pioneers in bringing affordable, quality wines to the U.S. market and, while doing so, has changed the concept of wine marketing. Much of the company’s success comes from the values set forth by Bill, who touts what he calls the “Six P’s model for building brands.” They are: People, Product, Package, Price, Promotion, Potential; and it is through these that Deutsch Family Wine & Spirits identifies and builds brands that it thinks will have success in the marketplace.

Peter, who joined the company in 1985, offers a rare blend of creative and operational strengths. His strategic approach to building Georges Duboeuf into the #1 Beaujolais wine in the United States delivered impressive bottom line results. In addition, his accomplishments for successfully establishing [ yellow tail ] as the #1 Imported brand and the #1 wine brand at its price point in the United States led to record growth and profitability.

After almost 30 years working together, Bill, who serves as Chairman, and Peter Deutsch Family’s CEO, are a dynamic team and family success story, and Melanie and David look forward to connecting with them. Connect:  www.deutschfamily.com

 

THE CONNECTED TABLE BANNER WITH TIMESThe Connected Table LIVE! airs Wednesdays, 2pm ET./ 11am PT on W4CY radio and on demand at IHeartRadio under Shows and Personalities.  Hosts Melanie Young and David Ransom are the Insatiably Curious Culinary Couple who bring you the dynamic people who work front and center and behind the scenes in food, wine, spirits and hospitality.

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